Eva Kroth
Matter Is A Space Of Awareness
I am being pulled into the vortex of density by an infinite power. It is the primal power of densification that carries the spirit. It is the form by which every movement carries energy. I am in the tunnel of time and space. An enormous force pulls me into the density.  The Earth draws me to it. At the same time, my body is the Earth. I am in the vortex of density and simultaneously aware that the vortex exists only because of the counter-flow by which parts of my self are being pulled back into the retrograde movement.

I see the Earth in the vortex of its axis pulling in enormous amounts of energy through its poles, and at the same time allowing huge levels of energy to flow out. I am in the undertow of the maelstrom into the Earth, and simultaneously I am an infinite number of whirls that absorb energy and transform into density. In my body, I see funnels of whirling energy. There are seven funnels, separating the infinite power of the spirit and transforming it inside me. I see that this arrangement represents different steps of separation, and it integrates them while at the same time uniting the undertow and counter-flow. Every whirl condenses to a point where it crosses a threshold, explodes, and rushes back. It is the threshold of knowledge.

I see movement and counter-movement in everything that takes shape and concentrates. I allow myself to be pulled into the vortex of the Earth. I race and whizz through the tunnel that pulls me into the depth.

I am looking for the energy that propels the vortex, the force in every spiral formation. It is transformation, spirit transforming into matter. I am in the tunnel of transformation.

It is the same tunnel that humans perceive when they are dying. It is the birth canal through which we are born. The child moves with spiraling energy through the birth canal into life. Transformation is the highest energy we are able to comprehend. The purest energy is shapeless and infinite and not for us to utilize.

The power of change is contained in everything that exists. The power of transformation takes place in spiral gyrations toward the density and out again. The spiral is the energy of transformation, energy from the infinity of space and back again.

I am in the vortex. I am afraid as if of a whirling eddy that will pull me into the depth, on a journey without return. It is like a journey to the bottom of the sea. I remember the feeling when I arrived on Earth. It is a sense of entering a vortex, and I will not be able to escape. And at that moment, it is true. When living in a state of density, in the material world, our consciousness is also compressed and cannot free itself easily. Subconsciously, we always follow the opposite movement that leads us out of the vortex into the infinite sea of the spirit’s power.

We land in matter as if landing on the bottom of the sea. Existence is the surrender to matter, and simultaneously the freeing of the self from matter through consciousness. Rising energy is always united with downward-directed energy. Both exist in parallel and concurrently. There is no form without its counter-movement away from it. Within this field of opposing forces, life exists.

I am in the vortex, and I am frightened. The fear changes my movement. Immediately I lose my balance, and my movements are no longer in harmony. I let go of my fear. Now I once again feel the joy of the experience of life that is awaiting me. I flow toward Earth in regular movements again.

With the idea of my life, I move into the vortex of time, into the vortex of Earth’s gravity, into the vortex of transformation with time, together with the Earth. I decide on a beginning and an end, on movement and space. I decide on the period of my life when my spirit is to unfold through life itself. The elements of earth, water, fire, and air make my life possible. The period of my life is like a spiral movement within an infinitely large vortex. Every experience in my life is like a small vortex within the maelstrom of my life.

My consciousness compacts. I forget that my desire for life pulls me into the depth. I forget that my spirit, through the counter-movement of the vortex, will always be connected to infinity. I only feel the spiral toward density. I feel joy and I am afraid that I will never be able to rise from the depth of density. I am in the Earth. I am within density.

Inside the Earth

I am heavy – heavy and dense. Everything inside me is heavy and feels black, like compression without life. I feel the pull inward as if everything inside me is being drawn downward into this weight. I am sinking into the core of the Earth, ever deeper and darker and denser. All the pulling leads toward the Earth’s center and holds me tight. I gaze into the depth of my body and see the Earth inside me. Everything is black and dark, like a heavy sphere. I am in the space of matter, filled with the experience of being in the density. It is a heavy spirit that experiences the density. I am heavy. My spirit is heavy. I am the spirit of the Earth. I can hardly keep my consciousness awake.

Deeper and deeper I sink into the density. I come to a sound barrier. I walk toward it. My steps toward it are heavy. With difficulty, I drag myself toward it. I take the last step and walk through the wall. Light explodes in my consciousness. I am filled with knowledge. It is an explosion of knowledge. Now I know. And the density turns into light.

The explosion is knowledge. I am filled with knowledge, and there is light. Is it the density that brings knowledge?

Matter IS knowledge.

And where is this point, this sound barrier, where density transforms into light?

For every living being on Earth and in the universe this point is different, just as the material space of every experience is different.

Every physical experience is knowledge.

The body is awareness. It is compressed spirit that gathers experiences and develops in my body and in the bodies of all living beings. Each of my body’s experiences contributes to the development of my spirit and to the development of the spirit of everything on Earth and in the universe.

With each experience in my body I expand the spirit of my self and the spirit of the Earth. My body is awareness. I am aware of all that is solid in me: my bones, my teeth, my hair, my fingernails and toenails. This solidity is the expression of the knowledge of the experiences that the Earth, all living entities, and I have had over millions of years.

I do not desperately have to strive for knowledge. I can let go and surrender to life in my body. That alone is an insight.

Every cell inside me is an insight and expands my consciousness more and more each second. Because my body is unique and singular, everything lives during this second and is unrepeatable. Each cell lives and grows every second and contributes to the growing consciousness of the universe.

Air

Once again, I enter the spiritual space of Earth. I am in the space of matter. The space is empty, and yet everything is contained within it. It is the space of the Earth’s spirit, substantial and yet empty.

Every possibility of life is contained within it. The space will be filled with experience, with the experience of my life and the experience of all lives and all life forms on Earth. The Earth fills this space, together with all experiences of its life.

I try to understand the space of emptiness, as well as the emptiness in me and in everything solid. The solid space, the solidity in me, and the solidity of the Earth are the space of spiritualization.

It is the space that contains everything and where everything has to become solid in order to spiritualize and to transform itself. It is the space that allows us to breathe and live. It is the space of the empty spirit, the space we fill with the experience of the solidity of matter.

The space is divided into movement and awareness. I see how an insight triggers an explosion of light. Light emerges: fire. Is that the reason we are born from fire and water? Do I breathe to kindle the fire of awareness?

Fire

Fire shoots into me and explodes inside me. I am exploding fire. I am not human. I am fire. I am the fire that burned when the Earth was created. It is inside me. I must keep the fire in check or else I will explode and cause further explosions.

I must restrain the endless movement and my infinite spirit. The oppositional principle in me helps me with this. It is the Saturnian principle. Because of the complementary power in everything, every element in me is kept under control.

We are earth with the weakness to solidify. We are water with the weakness to dissipate. We are fire with the weakness to explode. We are air with the weakness to evaporate. And we are creators with the power to destroy. Our powers are immense. We must contain them. Inside us, there is a destructive force. We have the power of the elements. We kill, and they can kill us.

We live and die. We give life and bring about death.

We are hell and paradise.

I will go back again into the Earth.

I am getting heavy again.

The empty space separates into movement and awareness. The division is like an implosion or an explosion. Fire flares up and light fills the space. In this way, the space of awareness becomes visible. I am, I see my self, I recognize myself in the light of the fire. Each insight is like an explosion of light. I must watch out not to burn in the fire of my explosive power. I must contain the movement or else it will extinguish the fire in me.

Water

All movement has a purpose: awareness. Movement meets the space of matter and explodes. Light emerges. That is the awareness. Everything is like a permanently flowing circle. Movement meets matter and becomes awareness of being. Every insight is an explosion.

My movements become heavy. If I avoid moving, the explosion hurts, because every explosion needs to be followed by a surrender to the movement. I do not want to surrender to the movement, nor do I want movement, but I do want the explosion.

Now I follow the movement. I flow with the streams of water. I am movement. Surrendering, I recognize that every movement has a direction: toward density. The aim of every movement is knowledge – always. Every form contains knowledge like an explosion, like a big bang. Movement gathers together, compresses in the space of matter, and explodes in the light of insight.

I am aware, I let go and move. There are such strong flows and movements inside me that I can hardly bear it. The flows move toward me from everywhere within the empty space.

I feel confused, because I can hardly bear the violence of movement from all around me. Everything moves from infinite spaces toward me, unknown to me and unrecognizable. Movement flows from everywhere. I surrender to the movement, even though I find it difficult to do so. Astrologically, I am a fire sign. All I want is to recognize and not let go of the state of knowledge. I resist the movement. But life forces me to move, mostly by illness and pain. After all, nobody and nothing can resist the movement in matter, because matter is ALSO movement in every case. It is movement, whether I like it or not. I realize that my hanging on to awareness means hanging on to matter. I want to stay in matter and not die, because matter is knowledge. But when matter is knowledge, I can let go and relax, because I am in matter, after all. I am alive, I am a human being with a body and a destiny. That alone causes the highest awareness.

I relax. I know and am aware at every moment of my life, no matter what I experience. After all, life is awareness. Once again, I slide into the Earth.

I see the core of the Earth: a heavy dark sphere filled with compressed spirit. Inside, there is blackness and no perceivable light. I am in the vortex of density. Magnetic power pulls me into the density. I have decided to compress my spirit, to go into the Earth and be Earth. I am magnetic and without light.

It is dark. All is heavy, like iron. I cannot move at all now. Every cell is heavy and pulled downward by the Earth’s gravity. The weight of all experiences on Earth is in the density. My spirit is heavy and black again. I sink deeper and deeper into the Earth’s center. My movements and my spirit slow down. I feel heavy and dense, as if everything inside me has nearly come to a halt.

Once again, I come to the sound barrier. I am aware. Something inside me explodes. I see light. I see myself. I am aware. I live. I am aware because I am alive. I live because I am aware.

All spirit flows in a spiral movement into the compression and explodes in knowledge. The explosion of knowledge is always relative. We are the ones who determine the moment of awareness. We can choose whether we want to be aware in our lives on a physical, emotional, or spiritual level. All levels are equal and always lead to knowledge. The possibilities are endless – through pain, insight, joy, or love. All processes run in different time-vibrations. Physically, we become aware within fractions of seconds. We are subjected to the laws of our body. These are also the laws of the Earth. Earth, water, fire, and air allow us to live.

We are subject to the rules of the collective and the laws of our unknown destiny. Every attempt to heal is an attempt at knowledge. Every illness is awareness. As soon as we have recognized this, we heal. Spiritually, each path leads toward healing. We often regard illness as negative and wish to be healthy at all times. We can never be perfect and always whole. Everything is moving. We can accept and learn.

My spirit is gaining the strength to manifest itself in my body, to be a force of light and a spirit on Earth. In this way I can act, change, compress, and spiritualize. I can be and vanish, help and damage, give life and kill, love and suffer, feel pain and inflict pain, give happiness and be gifted with it.

I always have a choice. I can freely choose how I regard something. My spirit is free to decide. My body is subordinated to the laws of the elements. The laws are the laws of all matter as we know it: everything has a beginning, a space, and an end.

Those are the limitations of matter to which we, and everything we know, are subjected. This is the pain and the bliss of matter. This is the pain and the bliss of our life in a body.

I will long for death and be afraid to die. I will long for knowledge and be afraid of knowledge. I will long for individual development and be afraid of the loneliness of the individual.

Every inner conflict will drive me to search for the other side and will move me. Within this movement, my life will be growth. Whatever happens, I will grow through my life experiences.

My life is beginning, movement, awareness, and spiritualization, like all lives. In each of my life experiences I recognize the limitations imposed by matter. My spirit remains free. It needs compression in order to act, change, and be aware. The elements give me and the Earth the opportunity to expand and to be aware.

Like the Earth, my consciousness and spirit will go through all stages of the formation of my self and my body. For our life and for every experience, we will have certain timeframes available. Everything will shape us and will let us grow. Together with all creatures sharing the same life time with us, we help the Earth with its outer and inner transformation. This will help the Earth and us because everything that exists is in exchange and is the spirit of creation. Now I walk toward life. The spirit of the Earth is always in me.

Every ending is a new beginning. It allows my spirit to grow and fill the emptiness of the air and the emptiness of the spirit. The spirit of the Earth is density as a path toward growth. The spirit of water is movement. The spirit of fire is knowledge. The spirit of air is the end of every material experience and the filling of the empty space of the spirit.

Golden sunlight surrounds me. I stand in the light of the sun that is the light of my life. I see the Earth in all its glory. It is my home. It gleams like a diamond in the light. It is a planet of diversity and movement because it is a planet of water. Golden water glows and turns the Earth into a planet of golden light. Like us, the Earth follows a path from darkness into light. Once it realizes that it is a shining star like the sun, it will have found its inner self. We, too, are shining stars like the sun. Our path into light runs through the knowledge of our inner beauty. This is also the path of the Earth. The path is difficult, as heavy as the element earth. But beyond heaviness is always lightness: the spirit.

We are never alone. We are forever in an exchange with all manifestations of the universe. With every movement of the universe we are connected through water; with every knowledge of the universe we are connected through fire. Fire and water are everywhere, in different forms. Movement and knowledge are everywhere.

Every process of transformation and awareness is like an inner combustion, a fire burning inside us.

My spirit is universal. It is free. My body is bound by the elements, but inside it is as free and limitless as my spirit. Infinity vibrates in the atoms of my cells. Vibrating light turns me into a being of light, compressed into a body, constrained but also limitless.

I turn and turn in the maelstrom of my life. I am within the Earth. I am as big as the Earth. I turn left and keep turning, and the turning becomes a dance. I am the Earth. Together with the other planets, I turn around the sun in a dance. We all turn around the central sun and dance in the universe. I am like a spinning top, and I feel like a dancing top.

I am dancing the dance of my life. Nothing matters, not sadness or suffering, only this strong and powerful dance. I feel light and am happy to dance. I am beginning the dance of my life.
Copyright © 2012 by Eva Kroth.  Translation from the German: Annette Charpentier, Copyright © 2017

This text has been reproduced on 'Ascension Now' by kind permission of Eva Kroth.

See also (All Articles): Articles by Contributing Authors: Eva Kroth