The Almost Last Breath
By Contributing Author Michaela Wider
By Contributing Author Michaela Wider
The sun was blazing down on the crystalline surface of a thick crust of salt that covered the entire lake.
I could see nothing except for this endless plain of salt that stretched out all around and seemed to merge in the far off distance with the bristling white light. There was a single narrow track, just wide enough for the wheels of my car, which crunched their way over the hardened salt. Quite unexpectedly the track split into two, opening up into a narrow V-shape that slowly drifted apart. I automatically turned down the track that led to the right, heading southwards in the direction of the sun. The other one ran to the north. The two tracks lingered together for quite some time, and only slowly the triangular wedge between them grew and widened. After driving for one or two kilometers I could still see the northern track, it was faint and fading but I could still make it out. Suddenly I realized that this was a mistake. I was on the wrong track. The right track was the northern one. What to do? Turn around or drive back in reverse gear? Not so appealing. I decided to take a short cut straight across the salt crust. This of course was an even bigger mistake. Why oh why did I keep on wanting to take short cuts, when I knew from the beginning that they were probably going to end in disaster? There was always an element of "no risk, no fun" in that, but also a lot of laziness. It took only two meters for the car to break through, rear end first, and sink. As it sank, slowly but unstoppably, my hands gripped the steering wheel and a wave of ice cold panic swept over me and gripped my guts. I knew this was the end. No-one could rescue me: even if I had been able to call for help on my cellphone they would never be able to reach me in time. Looking straight up through the windshield I noticed the roundness of the hole in the salt crust through which the car had broken. It was growing smaller and smaller, with the blue sky above it, while I was sinking lower and lower into the salty water darkness. The voice in my head said "This is the end, this is really the end, do you get it?" And something inside me got it. Face to face with the inevitability of death, something inside me turned around and said "YES". Instantly the feeling of panic was replaced by a feeling of anticipation and great excitement and joy. Just like that, in an instant. Now I could hardly wait, I was impatient. I was going to see the other side; finally I was going to see the other side. I knew I would be taking my last long deep breath right now. My whole being was tingling with excitement and my eyes were keen, so very keen, to take the first glimpse of what came beyond. As my dream awareness left me, the last thought I had was "oh no....please let me see...." before everything faded into dreamless sleep. |
About the Author:
For the last five years I have been living a little bit like a hermit in an old railroad house, with no warm water but a warm wood stove and a garden. No car, but good animal friends and a handful of good human friends and family near by. My life has turned more and more inward during this time. I measure distance by how long it will take me to walk somewhere. That has really changed my perception. My past seems far away. I can vaguely remember that I had a job in my profession as an occupational therapist. I love to contemplate and meditate with closed and open eyes.
Embracing the mystery Hold that one desire And on the wings of sound silence Fly to the heart of the Lord of Love jaelwider@web.de |